They’d be denying my own motivation and intention to give them a gift, to take part in something with me, and to share something I wanted to share. They’d also be denying the pleasure I got and sought out, of my own free will from planning that surprise, buying and choosing my ingredients, cooking and serving the meal and enjoying the pleasure I expected them to have in a lovely, surprise meal. See what I mean?To change your mind on this, I think it could help to change your language, even if it feels weird at first.I would suggest even just in your head, which should be easy since you probably don’t say “I want to penetrate you,” when initiating sex switching out “penetration” for something like “interlocking” or “intercoursing.” You might even flip the script entirely for a while and make it about ONLY what her body does and think of it as something like engulfing or surrounding.
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